euu typedd*:
blog
(Tuesday, November 28, 2006-)
+12:02 AM]*
# Huh? Weird tgts.-
If i said 1000 sorries.
If i bought 1000 of presents.
If i kneeled for 7 days 7 nights.
If i cried until i can cry no more.
would it be enugh for u to forgive me?
would u stop treating mi like ur enemy?
would u stop hating me?
even though i may seem happi. I m not.
Hiding the impeding sadness. The regret. The hollow.
How i wish to juz try one more time.
the story ends like this;
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(Sunday, November 26, 2006-)
+11:42 PM]*
# Phew~-
Grading~
nxt wk oso grading~
nxt wk better. Can knock someheads :D
Anyway.
Wat brings u down?
Defeat?
Stress?
Friends?
If its defeat,
you onli need to become stronger.
If its stress,
calm your mind b4 taking on anything.
if its friends,
renew your broken promises.
Even if you r the onli one you can rely on,
Take pride and shout out.
thats the 'you' i keep inside my heart.
......
the story ends like this;
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(Friday, November 24, 2006-)
+8:54 PM]*
# Driven to madness.-
Ignore him.
Dun tell mi things i dun understand.
Is tat suppose to be funny?
n many other cold one liners.
haiz.
dis is how jialat i feel.
dis is how i feel rejected.
dis is how i lost my pride.
dis is how i picked my steel again.
haiz wat to do.
the story ends like this;
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(Thursday, November 23, 2006-)
+10:39 PM]*
# OMG BERMONSTER~~~-
First, let mi intro u to the BERMONSTER!
It includes:
55 scoops ice cream of your choice.
3 whole bananas
waffles alot~
brownies alot~
Topping of your choice(CHOCO FUDGE)
Oh yea~ Dis baby will kill u~
Super sinful.
Ok enugh of the BERMONSTER.
Lets see. after sch, went bugis.
buy parts for Freecycle.
Half the class went to buy components.
zzzz. muz make a second rd.
anyway. Den went to do birdday party preparations.
afterwards. stupid chidam lead us all on a stupid ring shop chase. chase until leg pain la. den he said shop not dere anymore.. zzzzzzz. sian la.
ok den ltr met bert n his fren, patrick for casino royale. b4 tat, we ate B&J. WAAAA
B&J ROX! MUZ GO AGAIN! LOL! BERMONSTER!!!! RAWR!
okok.
Casino Royale was a lame show. laugh until siao.
ok tats all ba. see ya nxt time
the story ends like this;
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(Wednesday, November 22, 2006-)
+8:10 AM]*
# (No name post)-
I cant think of a title for this post. So i'm gonna let it juz pour out since in the morning, i have alot of energy n all.
U see rite. I feel that this is the last straw. No matter what i try to think. Its the end.
Like someone told me:
Boat reach jetty auto straight. yeap.
u noe hu r :D
so my pt is.. i guess dis is goodbye.
thx for everything.
the story ends like this;
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(Tuesday, November 21, 2006-)
+10:08 PM]*
# Burden-
I see the world without burden. I see it as somehow a free man. A person hu felt a burden lift off his shoulders. I smiled better. For once, I smiled becoz i was happy. Not becoz someone else is happi.
Yet. in the deep part of my heart, i dun wanna let go. but i have to. its the best for me. for the ppl ard me...
the story ends like this;
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(Monday, November 20, 2006-)
+7:52 PM]*
# I lost friend.-
Ladies n gents. I lost a fren. well, i saw it coming.
The constant fights.
Now she has a bf.
Well, tats the end of my part.
all dis while, i didnt realised tat i was used and abused. Its so painful...to see tat my effort n time wasted. Not as in tat the effort spent in making tat kind of relationship but the effort in keeping her as a fren.
oh well.
on my part, it was miscalculations and over eagerness.
on her part,one word: bitch. tats all.
i spoke to a great fren. he let mi see the light. thx.
the story ends like this;
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+1:34 AM]*
# Voices.-
In my head, as i laid flat on the ground. A voice echos. Its familiar. It sounds like annling...
I pictured her face. Her smile. She speaks:
Xinghao. Dun give up. Its not like you. U came dis far for naught? No. of cuz not. my brother is strong. Veri strong. Tats y hes my gan ge.
Yes. For you. I will stand again. no matter wat i feel.
Thx u. go.
yes.
wif tat, i stood again.
after 3 years, her voice is still a source of persistency. my source of strength. Sim Ann Ling. Tat name is eternally carved into my head.
Ann ling. I thx u where ever u r.
the story ends like this;
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+1:16 AM]*
# Decisions decisions.-
Think Think. Dis sux.
I muz overcome my mind's truth.
I muz overcome the heart's turmoil.
I muz overcome the fear tat impedes my movement.
For those causes, I will persist.
the story ends like this;
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+12:01 AM]*
# Mind.-
The mind is a powerful weapon. Its the weakest and the strongest part of an individual.
At its strongest, nothing cannot be accomplished.
Yet at its weakest, it is the downfall of many.
The mind... its influenced by watever that happens. The power of the mind is determined by your resolve. Once harden, its the most powerful weapon. Said to be able to do things impossible. If theres a way to harden this resolve, is to look at the positives.
Well, for one thing, i wun give up. For me, its not an option. To give up, is to be weak. I wish to never give up on this matter. To me, its too precious.
Then let it be in my favour. My favour to overcome.
Take it as a plead to the almighty one.
Harden.
the story ends like this;
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(Sunday, November 19, 2006-)
+12:04 PM]*
# Clear Mind. Clear waters.-
U noe its been a long time since i had a chance to sit down n think calmly about my life. In a way, it means reflecting on life. Looking at yourself as a whole. My past. My present. My future.
When i look at the sea, i see waves. Crashin in n out. I see people walk by. Making footprints on the sand. Scaring the beautiful coast. but u see, mother ocean washes it all away. Making it a new. But of coz somethings cannot be written off. Even so, the ocean persists no matter wat. at times,the currents hit softer y? tired maybe. at times, she goes harder wif more heart than ever. So, when i look at dis, i feel that i had been goin about my problems the wrong way.
I presented my heart's turmoil to her, she smiled. in turn, she made mi smile as well. I saw the error of which i did things. i saw the wrong in my thinking. I saw tat i did too little... too slow...
Nothing bad can come bad from watching the coast. nothing :)
the story ends like this;
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(Saturday, November 18, 2006-)
+9:52 PM]*
# Ubin trip.-
Dis morning woke up at 830. den prepared to go ubin. den went on the bus 109. met del on the way in. den ard 11 reached changi. waited for the rest to arrive. yj woke up late. so mi n del ate prata while waiting for them. den after they arrived, waited for them to eat their chix rice. den took the boat to ubin. den rented a few bikes and cycled around... den eh alot of things happened. sl n hl fell. ***************. den wk bicycle spoilt.
well, i cannot blog much. got a bloody headache.
the story ends like this;
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(Friday, November 17, 2006-)
+10:20 AM]*
# Useless feeling.-
I feel useless. How many times? How many minutes? How many hours? How many days?
I'm not sure.
its as if i lost alredi. i feel veri lost like the maze of my own mind.
I'm tired. Tired of doin dis over n over again. I need some kind of plan.
something to overcome dis big hurdle. Its not an academic hurdle. Its an emotional hurdle.
My problem is the pessimistic thinking: Always the worst. Nvr the best. Why izzit tat no matter wat i try or do, it always backfires on me. Like u noe. A missle 90 degrees. Letting it run out of fuel n den juz drop back on u. how silly is tat. Maybe i am overdoing it. maybe i am goin about dis the wrong way. I duno... I cannot tink str. Dis illness has taken over. Paranoia... The inability to see the truth, but onli the mind's truth. In my mind, everything n everyone is against me...
Hesitate or Action? That is the ting tat plagues my mind.
It seems like i am alot like my mum. Paranoid. Inherited? maybe? or izzit becoz of my environment? I duno... I blow myself wif rhetorical qxns. Inquiste the loyality of great frens. Doubt the logic tat has kept mi alive n well for so long. Izzit my time to go? Its been fun. but it looks my time is about to come...
the story ends like this;
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+6:39 AM]*
# Paranoia-
Paranoia. Its creeping up on me. Its getting worst n worst. I feel tat as this condemned state of mind reaches its end, my sanity grows weaker. What happened? All started with her. Now it spreads. I gonna lose my frens veri soon if i do not curb dis illness. I feel that i alredi lost some of them. I'm sorry.
I know that dis feeling is unfound. But yet i cant help but let it flow thru me, taking over my tgts, my actions.... my emotions.
dis paranoia has made me a very lousy person, an even lousier fren.
I cant take this anymore. I am implementing extreme measures to curb dis sick twisted domination.
I reek of paranoia. I know yet i cant do nuts about it. Its driving mi to the end.
the story ends like this;
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(Thursday, November 16, 2006-)
+6:02 PM]*
# Ranthings. thinkins.again.-
U see dis is wat u get for having too much time on your hands.
ok lets start.
first n foremost. My heart pain. People think broken heart is veri painful but ar. The worst is heart pain. b4 the heart breaks, all the pain is kept in. tats when it hurts the most...
ok tats enugh.
now on to real things.
heart pain y?
One of my buddies called me irritating. tat reli sux. its as if i reli wronged her or something. i feel dam sad becoz of it.
nxt. this gp of fren alienated me alredi. it is as if tat side of the world is on her side.
................................................................................................................................................
haiz.
heart pain.
the story ends like this;
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(Wednesday, November 15, 2006-)
+11:28 PM]*
# Feeling left out.-
i am not veri sure why but i feel veri left out by a gp of frens. Maybe becoz she is angry at me.
Everytime they do something, they dun call mi or anything. it makes mi feel like... i am alien to them.
Its not exactly a problem but everytime they dun ask mi along, i feel more alienated.
Sure. i got my group of frens but no one ask mi out den i wun go along lo. its tat simple. n yet i am somehow expected to juz go wif them without invitation.
I guess becoz after a long time, dis happens ba. U feel as if tat gp of frens like dun need u ard anymore.
People always say tat i need things to spelt out for me. well reinvitation is tat bad eh?
zzz its not tat tough la... tats wat i tink eh.
oh well another time.
the story ends like this;
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+5:54 PM]*
# Rantings. Thinkings.-
Well. while i was doin work ytd, i tgt about wat happened. well, i realised tat when i help someone, i dun expect anything in return. well, at least not something materialistic. For this tgt, i impose dis qxn: Why do we help out people?
Well, everyones' reasons are different. For me, when i help someone, probably becoz
1. s/he asked for it.
2. s/he needs it(by looking at the situation)
3. s/he is a fren.
I guess its kinda obvious rite. Wat i expect in return is ur friendship. tats all but it seems like i seen more as an enemy rather than a friend. Tats y i am so sad. Maybe i expected too much. maybe its juz my imagination. if it is den y izzit i am in such a sad situation?
i wonder....
Another bad news. Mum is on paranoia mode. zzz... hate it.
the story ends like this;
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+9:42 AM]*
# A new life policy-
I tink its time to develop a new policy.
The dun ask dun tell policy.
Even though its kinda anti social policy but i feel tat its time to adopt.
I feel that i speak too much and listen too little.
tat kinda sux
the story ends like this;
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(Tuesday, November 14, 2006-)
+5:21 PM]*
# Duno number wat entry.-
Shes a bitch~ Hes a leech.
Hes a noob shes a boon.(not boon kiong)
So eh. in the end. its dis song tat shaun sang juz a few sec ago. look i'm bored.
bloggin like siao.
lol~
the story ends like this;
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+4:06 PM]*
# Dark side.-
when was the last time anyone felt hate? let mi see... define hate anyone?
ok nvm. i ask the dictionary.
hate means:
1. | to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward; detest: to hate the enemy; to hate bigotry. |
2. | to be unwilling; dislike: I hate to do it. |
–verb (used without object) 3. | to feel intense dislike, or extreme aversion or hostility. |
–noun 4. | intense dislike; extreme aversion or hostility. |
5. | the object of extreme aversion or hostility. |
So lets tink about it.
Hate = intense dislike.
hmmm in a way, isint hate a evolved more intense ver of dislike.
if one has read the joy luck club. One of the chars said:
Hate is the result of wounded love.
Most of the time, it is true. becoz i have seen many cases. from a crush. den the crush mistreats the guy. den the guy will turn to hatre. sure. hate is a strong word. but i'm sure at some pt of time, u will hate something or someone. For most people, generally they hate backstabbers and liars. zzz. dun they noe tat lying is still in themselves. They hate liars. I mean we all lie. its true whether u like it or not. dun tell mi u have nvr ever told a lie b4. its kinda sickening to say i have nvr lied b4. my pt is we do tings tat made us detest ea other.
so how izzit tat we stay frens?
how izzit tat we still smile at ea other geninuely?
ea of us has a dark side.
i find myself disappointed time n time again becoz of the way i carry myself.
Its not exactly something i am reli proud of but its in my blood. makes me sick...
the story ends like this;
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+10:21 AM]*
# Seriously wigged out tgts-
a fren told me tat shes seriously trying to push me away. Even though i am proned to tinking too much. i feel that it might have been true.
but on the other hand, if i tink about it. den y izzit tat time n time again tat deres always the patch back. its kinda silly eh. Well. it seems that live is reli like a roller coaster. theres the ups n downs. It seems like as soon as u feel the goin up motion. your happiness is shortlived by the sudden drop. The rush, the spiralling into the bottom. So in my eyes, i have reached the bottom of the roller coaster waiting for the time when the momentum picks up. Where the ride is slow but calming. oh well.
i am in sch. supposingly listening to lecture. but eh its kinda know it before. so i cant be bothered wif watever she is teaching me. zzz
the story ends like this;
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+12:36 AM]*
# Libra-
In case u do not noe. i am a libra.
so i decided to read up libra. lets see.
good:
Diplomaitic and urbane
Romantic and charming
Easygoing and sociable
Idealistic and peaceable
bad:
Indecisive and changeable
Gullible and easily infuenced
Flirtatious and self-indulgent
hmmmm.... well. i ask myself. the info is accurate to about 80%.
The symbol associated with your sign is the scales of balance
representing the balance that you continually seek in your self and your life. The scales were also
adopted by our judicial system to symbolize a balance of fairness in the law which is emphasized by 'blind justice' holding them.
however...
Likes
* The finer things in life
* Sharing
* conviviality
* Gentleness
Dislikes
* Violence
* Injustice
* Brutishness
* Being a slave to fashion
I cannot agree with the violence. since i am a rather violent person. Eh the rest of the dislikes is so so onli ba.
well tats my midnight blog entry for u.
nite~
the story ends like this;
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(Monday, November 13, 2006-)
+6:58 PM]*
# pain-
I am feel veri sad. Heartbroken to be exact. today i shall hide nothing.
Look. let mi ask anyone of u. Izzit wrong to show concern for a fren? Izzit wrong to ask wats the matter when s/he feeling off?.
well, apparently dis way of thinking is quite outdated becoz i was called irritating for showing concern. Seeing someone everyday, does it make u feel taken for granted?
Correct me if i am wrong. But deres suppose to be a balance in the give n take rite. even so, i felt like i was giving n giving. sure. Some form of return will come back. Be it a thx, be it a smile. watever. but after tat, tat empty feeling. i believe ppl hu help alot becoz they give u dis sense of satisfaction. dis sense of completion. like you r one step closer to heaven. in a way.
Back to pt. I feel like crap. Crap beyond believe. I noe its selfish but every once in a while i would like some kind of repayment. Its kinda like at the end of it all, its all worth it. But the more i try, the more i get diss-ed.
Am i overdoing it? Tell me someone. I reli want to noe...
If a buddy daos u. den nvr tells u the reason. Dun tell mi u dun wanna noe wats goin on. dun tell mi u can juz let it slide. dun tell mi sooner or later u dun wanna noe wats happening. Its kinda against human nature. My nature if u will.
Someone tell mi my problem. Tell mi if being concern = irritating. If asking your buddy if s/he is feeling alright, den i am a irritating bastard. not worthy of your frenship. how ironic. One hu hates nothing. Hates me. Am i so detestable. Izzit tat i am spawned from the lowest form of discomfort?
Most of all, i am being used. yes cuz. i noe u will say tat. i feel tat... its becoming clearer... Shes still my buddy... tat i hope nvr have to lose her...
the story ends like this;
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(Sunday, November 12, 2006-)
+1:09 AM]*
# -
long day. so i gonna take awhile. today tkd torna. woke up at 530. den changed into torna official uni. white shirt. blue tie. black pants. black court shoes. den dad send mi to henry park. around 7 reached dere. den all of the officials gathered to be assigned duties. i was to usher the participants into the ring for pattern events. kinda lame job but eh juz do it la. den ltr had lunch wif the other officials funny ppl they r. alot of seniors i hadnt seen in a long time. Jasmine for one. lol tats all i rmb. anyway, nxt was the sparring events. I did timing keeping, anouncements, etc. generally keep the event rolling. If onli i threw the baton fast enugh. the baton is thrown into the ring when the ref doesnt hear the time up whistle. the baton is a hard long yellow stick. gd enugh to whack someone uncon. So, dere was a bounty list and all of the chief ref had bounties on their head. lol. quite. the ref were too fast b4 i could throw the baton.
Den my ring finished early. The umpires and admin decided to play red flag blue flag. lol. childish game. test your listening skills n reflexes. so eh. helped pack up the mat for about 1 hour+ den went to city hall with chinky to eat dinner at LJS. catch up with him about stuff.
Den ltr went to the station to meet bin. den she was still at orchard. so i took the train down to meet her n her fren. Well, somehow i am a fussy person but theres like 2 girls. their oppinions differ from mine. oh yes i bought a shirt n a long sleeve tee. quite happi wif it. bin chose it for mi though.
So i didnt mind. Den at 9, the girls had their dinner. By tat time, my feet were killing me. had to tahan the pain until all the way home.came home wif tired feet.
oh yea will sign off here
the story ends like this;
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(Thursday, November 09, 2006-)
+1:10 AM]*
# -
if i ask for ur love? would it come? would make a diff?
:)
the story ends like this;
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(Wednesday, November 01, 2006-)
+2:33 PM]*
# Words of wisdom.-
Ok. since its 2:27 wif nothing to do.
i guess i will tell a story. Although the moral of it is quite backwards thinking but i find it rather interesting.
In china quite awhile back. Dere was dis ordinary girl. she was 14. One day, her mum told her tat shes no longer a girl but a woman. In becoming a woman, she cannot do play like a child. she can onli obey n take orders from the male of the family. She felt sad n started to cry. Her mother den got angry n scolded her,"aiya. Women dun cry. They r strong. They swallow their own tears." The child had a choice, she bit her lips and stopped her tears.
Later that nite, she went to the pond and saw a turtle under a rock. She looked at it swim. She started to cry n looking at how carefree the turtle is. When her tears touched the water, the turtle surfaced and ate her tears. The girl didnt notice dis at first. When she noticed the turtle eating her tears, the turtle spoke,"I haven eaten your tears. I noe your sorrow. But i must warn you. If you cry, your life will always be sad."
The turtle den opened his beak and out poured 6 eggs. They broke open and from them, emerged magpies. magpies are birds of happiness. The birds den bend over and began to drink greedily. The girl tried to capture one. They all rose up, beating their wings into her face and flew up, laughing.
The Turtle den spoke again," now u see. Why izzit useless to cry. Your tears do not wash away your sorrows. Your tears feed someone else's joy. and thats y u muz learn to swallow your own tears."
i noe its quite an outdated story but i feel tat its kinda interesting.
Ok. back to life. Well, since ytd morning, shaun got his finger stuck in my ring. Well he tried to use soap. he went home tried the tools to break it open. But dis morning no improvement. so today he went to the jeweler to have it pry open. LOL. For me, its easy come easy go since the ring was found. plus its reli a gd laugh lolol. oh yes shaun said at 5:29pm tuesday. If your finger is cold, go play dota. yeap. senseless comment wif no link though. but i promised to blog it. haha. m still laughing at his plight.
Hate... is just the result of wounded love. lol.
the story ends like this;
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