euu typedd*: blog

(Wednesday, August 30, 2006-)
+12:03 AM]*

# my mum? gd or bad?-

ok... i juz felt reli angry for a few seconds at my mum. if i were to compile all my anger in terms of time. i tink about 1wk ba. ya... well i duno y la. i feel veri angst at my mum nowadays. she ask qxns tat made me angry. "U studying anot?" eh hello? deres a book in front of me? cant u see tat i am reli studying? "exams ok anot? result come out will tell us la" can u have more faith in me? even if i do badly, at least i tried? nxt ting is the frens i mix wif. my mum always have bad oppinions of them. i mean its my frens. plz dun tell how to treat them n how to view them. argh! like tat oso wat to interfere. the dumbest ting i heard from her is" i am ur best fren. u can tell me anything." if u r reli my best fren, when i use to word sian on u, u wouldnt go berserk? lol? izzit all women like to contradict themselves? n its like everyday the same ting. for once, i would love her to tell me someting like" hows exams? fail ar? nvm... nxt time try harder." but she goes" fail?" den all the ptless naging comes in. i juz dun like the way she operates... but i always tell myself shes mum. muz compromise. but i will still complain about her... well becoz i am human. i need soemwhere to let out dis anger.

the story ends like this;
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(Tuesday, August 29, 2006-)
+10:29 PM]*

# okok tahan abit more-

wa~ 1005 gone! ok ok. now one of my worst papers 1004! coming up! agrh! the tgt of it scares me... ouch! oh dear. dis is the paper i fear most. becoz i totally dun comprehend the topics lol. oh dear. muz work hard! oh yea~ okok. time to hit the books hard. oh yea~

the story ends like this;
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(Monday, August 28, 2006-)
+11:16 PM]*

# wa gd news n bad news-

wow~ i tio competition liao. so sudden. juz becoz my group shot veri closely... four of us tio competition. eh novice 20m yup. hmmm now tempted to buy a new bow... wahahahaha. muz see other factors such as money. lol. okok. well deres sure quite abit of politics happening in the club... aiyo its so frustrating i dun wanna tok about it la. yup... aiya dam sian la. nxt training is on thurs... den cannot out wif the gang... wanted to celebrate boon bdae one lo... aiyo... how how... nvm i will tink of solution later.

the story ends like this;
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(Sunday, August 27, 2006-)
+5:55 PM]*

# i hate woodlands lib!-

Argh! i hate woodlands lib. it sux! Too strict. i left my seat for about 15 min. when i came back dere was a warning about reservation of seats. oh plz. i could be stuck in the toilet! n u gimme a warning? stupid toots! its not onli me from tio shoot by the lib. GJ oso tio tat warning.
i play game for about 10 min n lib dudete came from the back n say no playing in the lib... zzz as if i am disturbing anyone lo. so dumb! oh dear! i dun wanna come woodland lib again! sux!

the story ends like this;
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+5:55 PM]*

# i hate woodlands lib!-

the story ends like this;
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+4:51 PM]*

# Studying again~ oh well its gonna end soon.-

guess where i am? in the lib! yep. studying. argh! i hate 1004. it sux. i noe i noe. its best not to hate a subject if not sure fail. but dis kind of thing i cannot help it la. its so dam irritating la. anyway, juz now huili lost her bag. aiyo. mic ask mi go look for her bag. oh dear i was wondering if someone reli took the bag, would s/he still be here? i mean its kinda dumb to stay n tio caught eh. anyway, juz to double check me n yx went to every toilet in the lib to see if the bag is lying around... aiyo. dis yx ar. go every toilet n pee or wash hands lol. anyway, the search was futile la since the dude has most likely left the building. ah ok back to study...

the story ends like this;
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(Friday, August 25, 2006-)
+9:12 PM]*

# argh at mac studyin~-

k tolol guess where i am? at mac studying! lol its blike so lame la... i have to use earphones to do work... i keep hearing a girl laughing like siao from the back of me. its dam irritating la. tmd dere she goes again... dam irritating la... wa today i saw tat gal i was looking at like afew days ago? lol so... happen to caugght my eye again... i fear tat shes les... oh well... juz look onli la i dun intend to tok to her...
oh well back to the book...

the story ends like this;
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+12:34 AM]*

# Interesting day at work... still saddening in a way-

ah yes. i got a headache from work. all the nilly willy lights from diff hses make my head got spinny~ ok watever tat meant. well, today work was veri interesting. lets tok about it...

Sight No1 7:45pm: i was about to my sales at a rather unfriendly looking hse. i decided to try anyway since its my job n all. i knocked on the door. to my pleasant surprise, a chio bu opened the door~ ohhhh... yep. i was stunned for about half second b4 my sales instinct kicked in. i started wif my usual lines. in every pause she gave mi a standard uhuh. i was rather weird out den i summed up the courage to ask her: so u wanna buy? she said no. argh! den out of lameness and a rather uncontrollable urge i asked her: can i have your number? erm... duno where did tat come from eh. to my another surprise, she said ok. wow~~~ but as i was doin a job i decided to decline such an offer. *dam!*

Sight no2 8:03pm: hmmm after yx did his pitching but failed... he stepped down and started swearing at the door. i was like er??!!???!?!? yx swearing!??!?! am i wif the right dude?!?!? yep. door to door sales drives the most innoccent of people to do certain undesirable tings. oh well. it cont for the rest of nite. ok nxt!

sight no3 835pm: I was walking down the corridor... den i saw a doorstep without a door lol. weird eh. well apparently 2 units were owned by the same dude. so he decided to make 1 door for 2 units cool eh?

sight no4 9:20pm: there was a door open so i decided to go n try my luck. lol. i went up the door and saw a couple about to do... tat ting... lol. den i went excuse me~ lol!!!

sight no5 945pm: on the 10th floor of block 643 i heard a woman shouting in hokkien. oh? angry not sure. so i went on the wif my sales. upon reaching the 5th floor, i saw dis woman shouting to a bent pole? lol? ah it was the same person la. anyway yx pulled mi away n said nvm her she siao one... ok lo... so i went on.

yup alot of interesting sights today and i saw like so many chios lol. dam wow~
other den tat my pay sux... ppl juz dun wanna eat ice cream anymore... sianzzzz

the story ends like this;
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(Wednesday, August 23, 2006-)
+10:14 PM]*

# Too busy to blog lol.. hey y am i here?-

day 1:
oh dear. yesterday didnt blog... ya abit occupied wif some stuff yup. ah lets start from yesterday den. eh woke up at 830. den met yx at the mrt at 12... zzz.. suppose to meet at 11 one lo. he woke up at 11 -.- great timing eh. anyway, during the bus trip to yck. tio dis stupid 4 indian girls. make so much noise la. its dam irritating partially becoz i didnt understand wat they were saying... it juz sounded dam noisy... yup argh! one uncle was so frustrated he scolded them in hokkien LOL. dam funny la. i was watching their stunned faces LOL dam funny la. anyways went to kahtib mac to study... ya well long time since i studied in a group... saw someone veri interesting. LOL wahahahaha. hehehehe. at around 7 eh the group went to eat... well i felt rather alien... probably becoz i didnt go out wif them for sometime liao or maybe something else? nah. dun wanna tink about it. i wait for time to do the answers for me. i too lazy nia. lol tat nite suppose to study but i was watching starwars lol. okok.

day 2:
okok. woke up. took the bus... well i had another irritation sighting la. well u see i was standing in the bus when i saw dis old man walk in. den he saw dis empty seat but a SGSS girl was like sitting on the outer side. her face was dam sulky alredi. den the uncle paused for awhile. waliew. the uncle went: excuse xiao jie. plz let mi go. i wan to sit. dun sit dere like statue. den the gal went chibye. double walao leh. den her face blacker sia. wats up man? za bor all having pms? acting so weirdly? oh dear. anyway to make things worst b4 she left the bus, she went on with the swearing. all the hokkien powers come out ar. wow. lol. didnt za bor can pia dis kind of ting one eh.

after tat , reach sch do exam bla bla. well relax abit liao eh. since my 2 most dreaded subjects juz passed by. wahahahaha. okok den wif shaun yx and chidam to play pool. man dis yx ar dam fickled minded la. at first say, not hungry. den ltr after coming back toking to the girls, he said i go buy sushi den we go. after he come back, say order food liao i now veri hungry. LOL? waliew. dam argh la.

after went to K pool. nvr touch the pool table for a week liao eh. so i tink played like 4 hours? lol yup. i tink i should read more snooker books. reli pays off eh. my game getting better. i wan my own cue. hmmm i got my specification down. juz need find the right time to go down n buy the stick eh. well, i got something on my mind.well i was wondering about the way tings r... well i am not exactly happi wif it. well, i guess wat mei mei say its rite la. time will do the work for me. yup. i shall tink no more.

the story ends like this;
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(Monday, August 21, 2006-)
+9:16 PM]*

# Pissed~!-

Waliew. my anger can peak at any moment la. dammit. sometimes i duno wtf shes doin. i get so angry when i get dis kind of response. its so fucked up la. ya.. maybe juz need more time. juz tat i am reli pissed rite now in no position to discuss watever i am feeling... argh! so irresponsible! fuck! i reli hate tat kind of ting. wats worst? today exam happi lo if i get a D. wtf... i duno how to express dis anger. its too much... juz feel like popping or busting out everything. waliew. pissed wif someone. dun wanna say tat name. my blood boils. i have been a veri angst person lately... well at least i am clear on wat i am feeling now.

i duno wat kind of frens i made so long ago. y izzit always got problems popping left n right. its so frustrating... maybe its juz me... probably dis anger is unfound. watever. I'm angry. end of case.

the story ends like this;
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(Sunday, August 20, 2006-)
+11:41 PM]*

# Another round.-

Waliew. still tinking about tat ting. i cannot tahan anymore. its like so dam my fault la n i cant do shit about it. tats the worst ting about dis is tat i can do shit. wtf. ARGH! its dam frustrating. everyone tells mi time will do everything for me. oh for goodness sake, i am one without patience. my blood rages. ah its time to pick up a weapon!!! RAWR! i gonna fight someone!!!

the story ends like this;
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+12:16 AM]*

# Ah yes... tinking again~-

let mi ask myself. wtf is wrong wif u? the whole ting u r constantly tinking. tinking of tings and people hu do not matter to u anymore. its rather heavy a burden sometimes it juz sux to me. den i came to dis qxn: why am i me? sure it sounds weird. but i ask myself abit more specficially: why am i in dis body? y am i using tings thru dis body? dis qxn juz poped out of my head. sometimes i wonder about the dumbest tings tat dun matter. another example would be izzit possible to stop feeling dis way? dis nasty feeling of contradiction... dis lousy anti social feeling... well again~ i thought of it... well my conclusion is to let my emotions flow as it is. no pt stopping it since it will onli cause more distress. anyway, i learnt to control dis urge. the urge to do stupid tings. the urge to feel tat i am fine becoz i am not. i alredi felt a piece of me being ripped out thus i am not whole. y? someone ought to noe. dun bother asking hu becoz i am sick n tired of telling ppl wat i feel or wat r my views. frankly, it sickens mi when people use KPO when they ask u dis kind of qxn. i hate it...

veri anti rite now. angry feels the hearts. a void tat nvr fills. indeed. it sux.

the story ends like this;
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(Thursday, August 17, 2006-)
+11:50 PM]*

# Oh my foot my foot-

Argh! my foot... broken oh dear. lol quite pain lol. wat to expect from walking up n down 4 blks? dis lo. yep. wahahaha today not bad sia for 2 noob ice cream men lol. yea mi n chidam sold quite abit of ice cream. more than boon can liao :P well today after went to bk. found out reli cannot study so i met chidam for a round of pool. den went to study solo at amk lib. well i did do some maths den read up on pool cues... yep. afterward went to meet boon, his gf and chidam. ah n started selling lo... its not bad working wif chidam eh. yep. well nearing the end of the day, boon was so despo to sell ice cream. u should see him lol. persuadin anyone on the road to buy his ice cream lo. lol. ah oh well tats all. dun feel like bloggin too much. tired

the story ends like this;
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(Wednesday, August 16, 2006-)
+11:20 PM]*

# Cant study... argh!-

Dun be surprised if u find mi knocking on ur door selling ice cream to u. lol. yep. juz landed a job as ice cream man. yep... ah tml starting work oh well. i wan the bling bling. so work for it lo. yep. wa~ managed to do some maths eh. exams coming. muz keep my eye on the prize. can ur head in the game dude... yes yes tats wat i am telling myself. oh well. work work peon style oh yea love it man. lol okok. i juz wan the money. ah missin the olds day wif my buddies. yea. oh well back to work nothing interesting to tok about

the story ends like this;
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(Tuesday, August 15, 2006-)
+10:51 PM]*

# Y dude y dude?-

oh... its been sometime liao. i wonder y am i still putting my mind on overdrive. im gettin tired of everything... perhaps its mental stress. i was tinking if the weight of the world can be off my shoulders like b4... i wonder how nice tat would. oh well. lets put it on the dream list ba. anyway, oh yes managed to study. tats somehow gd. ah i have been regretting everything. my first tgt tat came was... why? y the heck do it. my own good? for goodness, its worst than b4... oh dear. dis feeling reli bites. i hate myself for doin so. sometimes, i need to put more focus on things tat reli matter rather than ppl hu do not care for themselves or their so called honourable believes. honestly, i seen the bad side of ppl. well, all of them r equally bad.

the story ends like this;
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+12:04 AM]*

# Oh. working... i see...-

ah yes i started working. yep. today is orientation. not bad eh. kinda nice. well, door to door sales isnit exactly the best eh. but its fun. sometimes u have to weave ur way wif words to get someone to buy ur goods. tats wat i like about it. u use words to convince someone. yea~ sold quite abit of ice cream eh. yep. i now feeling dam shesh. u see. aiya. i alredi tink i goin to sound naggy so i wun do it. juz noe tat. i dun wanna... aiya... dun say la. shesh.

the story ends like this;
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(Sunday, August 13, 2006-)
+10:12 PM]*

# dis is stupid. too stupid.-

man i hate my life. everyting is screwing up at the same moment. first it happened. now dis... for goodness sake, plz gimme a break. wat kind of ppl can u expect as a set of parents? i feel like mine r always putting mi down. do tings i wanna do. even getting a job ar. disapprove until so jialat. i wish they have someting nice to say for once. soemting encouraging. i feel like a failed experiment. my brother is doin much better than me. maybe tats y i feel so... discarded... dis cannot tat cannot. ar i appreciate tat u ppl brought mi up. ya.. tats all... dam f feeling rite now... i dun wanna see their faces...

dis is y ppl always contradict themselves... They talk without putting much thought. den afterwards regret watever they said... well its too bad. the damage is done... sometimes.. juz need time la.

the story ends like this;
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+12:26 AM]*

# Boom again~-

oh juz came back from fireworks eh. at 3, met yx for pool until 5+. den went to meet the rest for fireworks. ok it was rather nice. hmmm. the 2 displays i saw were equally gd. both had their gds pts. the french's display was designer style. but singaporean one was more flashy. more boom. yep. as usual. took alot time to get out of the place. i realised tat i didnt had dinner n was alredi rather late. so on the mrt debated on goin to supper wif the rest. den realised it was toooo late. so i came home. oh i bought a new toyXD. model to be exact. long time no buy eh. yea... today i didnt do too much thinking. y? i did eevrything fast. so tat my mind dun tink so much when i do stuff. yep. i muz bide my time. i dun wanna tok about it. sorry all. i dun wanna tell u wat i reli feel. nitez

the story ends like this;
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(Saturday, August 12, 2006-)
+1:39 AM]*

# Ah now wat?-

Ok. quite a dull day. went on a wild boon chase. looking for cue shop in "berlington Sq"... after pooling, me n shaun embarked on a journey to find dis cue shop. so after walking for 1 hour +... cant find tat dam shop lo. den we realised tat it was not in tat berlington sq zzz. boon! ur info sux! wats more disappointing is tat the cue shop doesnt open until 7 at nite. shesh!!! sianzzz... yep. so how? go home lo... tink about stuff tink tink tink. tats all i can do. tink. no actions. abit sianz. ok. tats my day. bloody boring lo.

the story ends like this;
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(Friday, August 11, 2006-)
+4:34 PM]*

# Oh dear. I'm Sorry.-

Oh dear... I am sorry people. becoz u see i realised tat i am not the fren hu can help u wif everything. soemtimes i wan to help. but i realised deres a limit u can trust me eh. ah i am human too. i make mistakes and change. i obviously made the stupidest mistake of lying to her. now i duno wat to do. perhaps if i dun do anything... soon it will be over... tats wat i am hoping for... becoz seriously... i crossed the line. crossed the line to where? maybe i should not show my feelings to people from now on. it pays to bottle up ur feelings. at least people will not noe what the heck u r tinking and thus tink differently of u... i am sorry everyone... sorry for poking my nose into ur business juz becoz i care too much or KPO la if u like to call it. from now on, i onli give my help to people hu ask for it. yes. caring too much is too much for me. i dun wanna tink about it anymore... i am so tired... i wish dis feeling would go away. juz be normal once again like before... b4 i did those stupid tings.

even the closest of frens need time away from each other. i need space to breathe...

the story ends like this;
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(Thursday, August 10, 2006-)
+10:38 PM]*

# Ah. Wat a world of deceit.-

Ah. I realised i have been lied to several times but my closest. my trusted ones. ah yes. sometimes i tink tat lying is necessary to keep the peace. to keep a good frenship goin..
my qxn to u is:
wat is better? the truth or lies? The truth is ulgy brutal disgusting. The lie is peaceful, calming and veri settling. which would u choose?

for me... i would choose the lie. becoz the lie is so much better. u see ppl lie either it benefits them, they get away wif certain stuff. Most of the time, lying is not rite. Is lying justifiable? to me for certain cases, lying may juz be the best possible option. Ppl say tat they hate liars. but unknowingly, they r oso liars. ah i dun hate liars. to me, i would ask y did u lie? if ur reason justifies ur cause den i will accept ar.. dis is how i changed my logic... i used to hate liars... but now i can accept some of them becoz i have become one. ar yes... justifed? i duno. onli ppl around me hu listens to me whine will decide whether my reason r justifed.

The Truth Sets You Free.
Sure it does but you will be burdened with the truth. sometimes to heavy you to carry. at tat pt wat do u do? hide? confront? pretend?
tats up to u to decide.

the story ends like this;
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(Wednesday, August 09, 2006-)
+8:26 PM]*

# Singapore. Home. Life.-

Happi Bdae Singapore!
yes. i love singapore. today i wore red n white out. lol. yea... i love my country.

I lived in singapore all my life. when i leave the country, i onli tink of singapore. becoz its my home. the onli place i wanna be is spore. Its peaceful vibrant. simply the best. sure singapore is not perfect but no matter wat, its my home. i nvr want to leave~ haha. I love the feeling of security in singapore. dis kind of feeling u can find no where else.

Anyway... dam nyp! after national day got exam wtf is wrong wif u!??!?! SHESH!

oh well back to mugging...

the story ends like this;
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+8:26 PM]*

# Singapore. Home. Life.-

the story ends like this;
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+12:12 AM]*

# Full Circle. Yes! I have returned!-

Ah. today ar. long n tiring day man...
first woke early at 8. tgt meeting yx at 9+ at amk station. hu knew. last min change zzzzz wake up for nothing...
den went to meet yx for lunch. wa he super late ar shesh.
ok afterwards studied in sch until 630...
den went to suntec.. to eat... man it took so long to eat..
so long tat at first i intended not to eat so much.
but after walking for about 30min+, i became hungry~...
ok ate at siam kitchen. man tat place make mi wanna go sheshhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
first ar. they squeeze so many chairs into one side. make mi n yx sit so close n feel uncomfortable, dam diff to eat la.
second. the waiter said beef soup? how i noe wats the beef soup?!?! i ordered a beef noodle soup! toot man.
third. i put too much chilli. end up tearing and almost choking... my face turned dam red la... lol but it was worth it. the food was gd.
ok den we rushed to watch fireworks. ok it was veri nice... but one little girl kept saying HAPPI BDAE SPORE! oh gosh. it was so dam irritating... i felt like turning around n tell her to tiam! spore bdae is tml la plz save it for tml during the parade! argh! okok... anyway, after the display... i surveyed the area. lol. no chance of escaping the maddening crowd. so the gang decided to walk to lau pat sa. got a drink. del drank her 'beer'. wow. the smell was rather penetrating... yes. the smell of alcohol surrounded. i tink she even reached high la... was making quite abit of noise and rather hyperactive. yep. yea came home rather late at all. no choice eh. so here blogging.

well, thruout the day, i spent my time tinking... tinking.. tinking... n came to realise tat my mind has to discover its logic over time... n princples? well, ppl change. so y m i diff? my principles will change as i meet new ppl, new events happen. lets juz let time do the tinking for me. becoz i am sick of tinking.

the story ends like this;
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(Tuesday, August 08, 2006-)
+9:55 AM]*

# Gd feeling. Bad feeling.-

Wa~ So woke up dis morning. feeling veri gd. Probably becoz of yesterday's archery. Made me feel extremely tired. but slept considerable sleep earlier. yea...
yesterday's archery was rather fulfilling eh. practised until arm ache. I tink my finger tio blister... shit. i hate those... anyway, randy took some pics of me... lol. not bad... not for my lousy MP den i tink it will be veri nice photos. hmm... considering to buy a new bow.
its the $3219 recurve expert bow(which looks so chio) vs the noobie wooden one which cost about $300... hmmm....
oh well. it is a decision that i will have to make later.

ah. i am in the midst of resetting everything i have ever known...
my logic. my theories. my principles in life.
right now... i cant accept myself.
how else can i expect anyone else to accept me?
i need time... tats all...

the story ends like this;
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(Monday, August 07, 2006-)
+7:32 AM]*

# Pain.-

I woke up dis morning. wanted to believe that it was juz a nightmare. a really bad one. but no matter how i tried. it was real. ah how i wish u would forgive me... forgive me for lying. If u were in my shoes, i probably done the same. funny how dis pain doesnt feel as bad as its suppose to. probably becoz its numb alredi. numb from our previous fights. somehow i feel tat dis is maybe our last one... how i wish that i could honest wif u on my feelings. how i wish tat moment u shot those words nvr came. i wish so much for the clock to reverse... how i wish to tell u tat... i noe now that i loved you not as a stead or anything... but a fren... you are the closest girl friend that i have tats y i find it so hard to let go... tats y i find it so hard to distance myself from u... the fact is tat u were pushing me away. i felt it. and i wanted to express my frustruation... confusion... forgive me plz... now i realised it but somehow its too late.

whats done is done... there is not a moment in my sleep that i didnt dreamt f0r your forgivness...

the story ends like this;
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+2:16 AM]*

# sad-

fuck it. juz did it!
y muz i be like tat. dammit...
i should have been honest. but if i were... u probably wun be my close fren.
i liked u more as a fren than anything else n tats all.
oh how i would pay anything juz to get tings back to normal... but i noe tat tings would be the same anymore... please someone tell me wat to do... the feeling is churning in my mind. i wish to get rid of dis feeling... dun wanna like u! i reli dun! can u hear me? please do...
wan my close fren back. i wan my confidant back. i wan u back... please dun do dis... how i miss u alredi...

my hearts weeps today...

the story ends like this;
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(Sunday, August 06, 2006-)
+11:56 PM]*

# achesss....-

my arms... my head.... aching ah... sianzzzz
tml got cca how to cope?!?!
hopefully tonite will heal eh.
anyway, today ah nothing special goin on. in tkd, i was asked to do empiring for a tornament. gd exp eh. oh well might as well do it. came home wif aching bones. no pain no gain eh.

ah spent the rest of the afternoon doin nothing... abit sian u see. i having doubts left n right.
my logics clashing wif recent events. so much so tat it i rocking the foundation of my head. for u see, i have always been trying to be a better man. but it seems like the harder i try, the worst i become. so wats the prob? sometimes, it pains mi juz to tink about it. so for once, i wun. anyone ask mi wats happening. i will juz shut up. its seems like silence is the way to go. perhaps, i am sicked of tinking too much and finally juz let tings go as it flows. becoz u see, the more i tink about u, the more achy my heart becomes. so the more i dun wanna tink about u. maybe it will do wat mic told mi. let fate decide ba. to tink tat i will take advice from the 3 cell gal. XD haha.

on the other hand, will i be happi not doin anything about it? esp if it reli bugs me alot? i duno wat to do... not a day has passed since i have been tinking negatively since i met u. my time my life, most of it, devoted to u. its kinda tiring. becoz i give alot more than i take. its apparent to mi tat u dun feel the same way as i do... perhaps i am wasting my time...
well, ironic.
because onli time will tell.

the story ends like this;
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+2:06 PM]*

# upside down. inside out.-

lets see.
most recently, my subcon created dis place called the 'ideal world'.
in dis ideal world, everything is perfect. perfect for me.
my desires, wishes and wants are all in dis ideal world.
sometimes, i dun even noe wat i wan. so it happens to be dere and it makes mi happi...
its like when a druid sleeps, he walks the emerald dream but i visit dis world.
in dis world, you are my best fren. tings always go my way. alot of stuff.
but recently, i wanted u to be more than juz best fren in dis ideal world.
i feel reli happi. so much so tat i dun wanna wake up anymore.
but sadly i noe tat it is not real.
dis is y reality sux becoz tings hardly go my way.
i wish to be stronger emotionally. apparently deres no buffer zone towards you. stop running thru my mind. i cannot see it. but i can feel it. its making mi tired and dizzy...

oh
lana n chloe les.
clark n lex remain gd frens even after smallville.

the story ends like this;
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+12:47 AM]*

# Ah my world is trashed-

i wan to see u and yet i dun wan to.
y?
deres always a 50-50 chance den u will make mi happi or sad.

i used to believe if tat i try hard enugh, tings will always go my way.
but now i changed dis theory.
i muz try smart.
pain taught mi dis.
my heart aches when i see tings tat u did.
reali pains mi.

maybe wat we need is space.
space to think.

i seriously tink tat ur life will not be able to hold for long.
soon, stress will reli kick in.
somehow, i noe tat i will dere to catch u when u fall.
no matter how much i dun wan to,
my arms will automatically reach out.

i wish tat i can come clean wif my feelings.
but i alredi worked so hard to reach such a lvl.
izzit worth it to break dis relationship which once broke?
all in the name of love?
or m i too obessesed wif u tat it drove mi to do so?
soon, i will stand at dis cross road once again.

i hope i make the right choice...

the story ends like this;
________________________________________________________________________________

(Saturday, August 05, 2006-)
+6:13 PM]*

# more worries.-

oh dear.
i havent lied in a long while.
someone forced mi to.
its not tat i wanted to lie.
becoz if u knew the truth, den u probably wun look at me the same way.
i'm soli.

its my last resort.

the truth is........ censored.
i dun wanna face the truth.
becoz no matter how i at it, u will nvr feel the same way about me.
what u said to me. clarified my tgts. i always wanted to noe wat u reli wanted to tell.
when u asked me. i was tinking..
izzit becoz u r kpo?
or
izzit becoz u feel the same way?
well, the reason y i cannot confirm dis feeling
is becoz u nvr truly told mi wat i wanna hear.
the way u act, tok, react. is wat tats keeping mi back.

well, from the way i see it, if u tink u r the one.
wait.
u dun have to tink. u noe hu u r.
den i am waiting for ur ans ba.

the story ends like this;
________________________________________________________________________________

+1:00 AM]*

# Deceit.-

Juz awhile more.
let mi verify. wat izzit tat i muz noe.
the missing piece.

i muz noe.
izzit mi?
m i the one?
if not, den i shant say shit.

becoz the truth is.
i duno when u r lying to me.
n if u r lying, y u doin it?

n if u r telling me the truth.
izzit from the heart?

no pt in mi getting my heart broken again.

the story ends like this;
________________________________________________________________________________

(Friday, August 04, 2006-)
+9:25 PM]*

# wastage of a perfectly gd day.-

Oh man. came to sch... duno do wat... c prg was it? yea i guessed it was. yea around 40 min. listen to him crap. yup. went to sch lib to study for 1 hr.
ate lunch in sch.
den went to yx's to play for awhile.
den went to NLP study.
got noisy ppl in the lib sia. duno how to study eh.
around 7 came home.
hate 70. bus is not the way to go.
ok. came home. did some shadowing on msn.
found out tat i am veri sensitive to alot of stuff. esp her.

she talks logic.
she contradicts.

dun understand.

m i suppose to tink tat watever u tell mi is the truth and onli the truth?
or m i to use my pt of deception to analysis watever u say?

wat m i to tink when u told mi tat line.
tat simple sentence tat hurt so bad.

m i suppose to stand alone like i always did?
my heart is a battleground.
constant clashing of steel.
the once green land turned sour.
now stands a barren wasteland, destined for hatred.

the one
onli one
veri one
is missing...

the story ends like this;
________________________________________________________________________________

(Thursday, August 03, 2006-)
+11:52 PM]*

# fate?-

it seems like 'fate' isint working in my advantage.
as of 30 min ago, my world juz went upside down.
maybe its me la. as soon as i felt gd again. life comes in with another problem.
n it comes wif a package la.
emotions hidden within the soul. will remain as such. the way i feel. and the way that i wanna feel.
it has become 2 veri diff tings.
in fact, my world seems to have narrowed down to 3 pple.
me, her1 and her2.

y like tat....
if u noe hu u r... tok to me le.
tell mi tings tat i wanna hear.
tell mi tings tat u have kept so deep.

i wanna trust u. reli i do.
but i need reasons to.
y m i always expecting more from u.
somehow tats not suppose to be the case.
maybe the truth is that i like you.

the torment that runs thru my mind.
the agony tat lives in my soul.
the pain that cuts the heart.

anticipation.

desire.

uncertainity.

i can onli relate u wif dis.
i wan to do more.

as for u, soli la. i juz dun feel it anymore...
i can onli help u as a fren...

the story ends like this;
________________________________________________________________________________

+9:35 PM]*

# Oh reli? Full Gear?-

I hate anna! HAHA.
okok enugh of dramas...
anyway.
today sch skipped kuanko. apparently it was the correct decision. watched del eat breakfast. den went to the lib to study for an hour. yea... she shitted twice in an hour lo. rather impressive if u ask mi.

anyway, kinda wasted my time in sch... did tut for about 1 hr den went to play billard wif boon. ah so dam hard to play la. 2 games... lost to him by 1 pt. zzzzzz it screwed my pool physics la. my spins all screwed...

tinking of buying my own cue... yes... i wan alot of tings in life. haha.
anyway, came home... den did stuff la...

yea... tats all. bye~~

the story ends like this;
________________________________________________________________________________

(Wednesday, August 02, 2006-)
+10:37 PM]*

# To buy or not to buy?-

oh yea juz came from archery. hmmm.
i wan a bow!!! but its so exp...
300 bucks at least. MD la.
better start working. den get the money n buy tat bow den i go train on my own hahaha.
archery is not so bad eh. kinda like it.

mayb will go pro one day lol.
see first la.

anyway, today sch as usual. but eh skipped 1002. play bridge. lol wat a lame ting to do.
n i am suppose to be at full gear lol.

went for mel's concert. he not bad sia. play so many songs. i could onli idenify ff10 song, papercut, broken dreams and numb. lol hu knew it sounded so gd on the piano. lol.

ok back to studying.... zzzz boring life.

the story ends like this;
________________________________________________________________________________

(Tuesday, August 01, 2006-)
+10:08 PM]*

# the world of worries.-

since when did i ever care so much about other people's lifes?
since when did i felt so wrong about doin the right thing?
since when did i feel like a dipshit?

questions without answers.
answers without reasons.

perhaps its juz in the heart.

my feelings still lingers... maybe.
i dun wan it to stay. its been along time...
i wan to feel free again. apparently still chained to dis feeling.

plz stop mi from worrying.
i wan to be more selfish. i wan to tink more for myself. my own life.
is that so much to ask?

or izzit mi to be KPO and worry for other people..

the story ends like this;
________________________________________________________________________________

+1:04 AM]*

# Problem? What Problem?-

I have came to realise something. it not tat i dun like helping people. i always love to help poeple. u noe tat warm fuzzy feeling u get after helping someone. n the smile they give u? priceless. but its something else i reli juz cant shake the feeling away. y do i feel so empty? i lost faith in everything... i reli care for my frens eh. i wish they could show it more often. juz feeling dam down la. for no apparent reason. wats wrong wif me? lol.

the story ends like this;
________________________________________________________________________________